The Gay Porn Pay-Per-View Network

Dear blog land and my fellow blog-ians. I am not a small person nor am I abnormally large. I’m larger, wouldn’t consider myself a “Bear” per se but we will just say I’m big boned. I’ve always been a bit self-conscious of my size but for the most part I don’t let it weigh on my mind to much as there is a lot of other things I like to spend my day pondering about, like if I have to spend the rest of my life staring at the same wall what color should I paint it other than white. You know the important things in life.

As for my love life I have always been pretty lucky in finding what I like. Someone taller then me and thicker, I like to cuddle, hush no one wants to hear your wise cracks right now. Any who, depending on where I live I can usually find someone as tall as me or taller and thicker, yay me! But lately since I have moved back to the area from which I came all I get are fucking twinks hitting on me. What the fuck! I ain’t here to be your daddy or bear, and the next little fucker who comes up to me and asks me to be their big bear daddy is going to a part of a defenestration act. For those of you who are unaware of, never seen or heard the word it is the act of throwing something or SOMEONE out the window! Defenestration is the word of the day and I challenge you Blog Land to use it at least once during the course on a conversation. Bonus points if you do the Pee-Wee Herman Playhouse scream after using the word. Minus points if you have to Google what the Pee-Wee Playhouse scream is. Anyways I digress, so I never had an issue till I moved back to the land of twinks. Fucking Twinks.

Dear Blog-land and my fellow blog-ians my sinuses are killing me today! Is it really possible to get sick again when I still have been sick for the last 3 weeks? Fuck this head cold and the chest infection I got last week! My uninsured ass is just going to have to suffer through it. Being an independent and free spirit is coming with some high costs! Mainly my health! This all started 3 weeks ago when I man a man, shocking I know, but listen. Anyways met this guy, friend of a friend type thing, and we hit it off joking and flirting. Totally innocent flirting, graphic maybe but innocent. Well we had always just chilled in a group setting and one night he invited me over. I thought what the hell he cracks me up and we seem to have a lot in common, or at least stuff and things. What I can tell you about that night was the man makes a strong drink and he has a bick dick. I would know becuase I tried to swallow it whole. Well la de da I wake up the next morning with a sore throat, no shit my throat hurt after what I blurry remember of the night before. So I go about doing my free spirit thing hither and yonder. Well by that night I felt like the walking dead. Out of no where ebergy is zapped away and my sinuses and head are killing me. What the fuck was the super flu attached to his dick. Should he have a warning label sewed to the crotch of his jeans. Warning has been known to cause sudden illness? What the fuck! But low and behold I get a text from a dear sweet friend of mine who has suddenly come down with whatever it was I had and I got it from her. She in turn got it from the gorgeous GBMD (Gay Muscle Bear Doctor) that she has been trying to set me up with for I don’t know how long now. Both work in the emergency room at the local hospital so ah ha case solved, the Doctor needs to come with the warning label!

Dear blog-land and my fellow blog-ians we all know how much I like to Google and surf the gnarly waves that is the internet. And sometimes on these surfing adventures when really I’m taking a ride with no real goal in mind or search knowledge to be quenched I come across something that tickles me pink and honestly makes me pee a little. So why is straight gay porn so hilarious to me? I don’t know, maybe it is the descriptions that people use that makes me curl up into a ball and laugh myself into a contortion that just isn’t natural. I cam across the Cody Cummings site, love the last name FYI, and a brief little description went something like this: “This dude isn’t exactly gay. He’s what we like to refer to as “gay for pay.” That means that no matter who you are, as long as you’ve got the money, honey, this dude is willing to do whatever you ask of him.” really as long as I have the money? And maybe a camera, and PR, and ad campaign that will increase revenue to any site that has the paid love fest playing on it. Which in turn continue to bring in the money to him beyond the one time fun in the bum session that meant oh so much to me and my money? I don’t think so. Oh, but I think my favorite “straight gay porn” sites has to be the ones where everybody is jerking off. I mean really how can you say they a being gay for pay? They are whacking off all by themselves! Just them and their astroglide, lotion, spit, or whatever the fuck they use, maybe a sock? Who knows! It’s just not my thing, I can record myself jerking off if I want to see it, but I mean yay for you if that is your thing. I’m more of an action kind of person. And really if masturbating makes you gay then why aren’t more people waving the rainbow flag?

Dear blog-land and fellow blog-ians, do you ever get a rhyme stuck in your head and it just plays over and over again till your ready to smother yourself with a pillow to put yourself out of your own misery? OK, so maybe that’s a bit over the top dramatic, but really could you expect any less from the wonderful, fantastic, over the top me? I didn’t think so. So here I sit in la la land, aka my living room, getting ready to shower you with the wisdom that which flows from my brain down to my fingertips and out on to the keyboard when out of nowhere the rhyme just kicks on. I don’t know this rhyme, OK everybody knows the rhyme but my lyrics have been altered to disturb all individuals and violate their audio senses apparently. Daddy and a twink, sittin’ in a tree, F U C K I N G, first comes the pumps, then comes the jizz, then comes the twink in a……hmmm that seems to be all I can masterfully come up with, and since my lack of creativity has let me down at the very end of this little ditty it won’t leave my brain! It has been playing over and over and over and….you get the point, again until really I want to wash my brain with Listerine. I know it’s childish, but really how can you not giggle when you start to hear it in your head. What could the twink do? In the original song at the end came the baby carriage and since I don’t really see that as fitting into this more perverse twisted variation of the rhyme I’m trying to come up with something as disturbing as a twink. Oh too soon? Little to harsh on stick boys? OK, fine. Blog-land I challenge you to come up with the ending of that song, or better yet Google it for me and see if one has already been created and send me the words. I’m going to listen to Pandora or something and get something less grinding stuck in my head. Also, the answer is NO! I will not watch twink videos in order to get inspiration. You can just forget about it!

Dear Blog Land and my fellow blog-ians, what the hell is free straight guy porn? I mean really what the fuck is it and why would a random stranger feel the need to ask me how to find this. I was taken aback for a minute when this guy just walked up to me on the street, regular looking Charlie, figured he would ask me for the time but no he asked how to get porn and specifically straight guy porn. I think I must have looked like I ran into a brick wall because that’s how it felt when he asked me. I looked behind me thinking maybe there was someone trailing close behind me and he was actually talking to them. No such luck. Then I looked down at what I was wearing thinking I must look outwardly as perverted as I am inwardly. Hmm Jeans, chucks, gray t-shirt, flannel, um I may look like I stepped out of Nirvana’s Teen Spirit video but pervert I don’t see it. so I looked at him, three piece suit, briefcase (what the fuck is in the briefcase?) wingtip shoes, looks like he’s a lawyer or wannabe something fancy. I say to him “excuse me?”, he says to me again “How does one go about finding free guy porn, preferably straight porn?” I Look him up and down, is he undercover homeland security? Who the fuck randomly asks people that? So I tell him I’m not really sure what he is talking about but that he most likely can Google that shit when he gets to his home or office or home office if he didn’t want to go into a porn store and buy something. Then he smiles at me, this giant shiny white smile, I thought I would go blind from the shine. He then says he actually was just trying to see if I was into straight porn or him? I’m going to have to say that was the strangest pick up I have ever encountered and I know strange. We shall see how free porn mans dinner date goes tonight!

Dear Blog land and fellow blog-ians, what is in a name? More specifically what is in a genre’s name? I suck at genre’s. I’m the last person you want to ask when it comes to what genre something falls into becuase I will most likely lead you astray. I guess I like so many different styles of everything, music, fashion, literature, porn that I hate pigeon holing myself into a specific genre, therefore I refuse to learn the appropriate genre things belong to. Though not knowing genres makes it a pain in the ass to try and find anything when you go to the store. But I figure the employees should no more about these things then me, right? I mean they work there, and even if it isn’t there field of expertise they have fancy computer registers these days they should be able to look it up for me. You would think this right? You should know this down to your very fiber to be true, employees are hired in retail to be helpful, useful if you will, even dare I say knowledgeable about the store they work at. Even if they are hired and don’t know shit about the products they are selling they are at least required to learn about it, even if it is through osmosis, I don’t care how they educate themselves but they should know something! So why, why?! When I go to the adult shop aka Heaven on Earth, I shit you not they really named it that. It should have been more like Tissue Litters the Ground, but I digress. I very specifically ask them for Rocky Mountain Bears, they send me to the Gay Jock Porn section of the store? Really, the sections have these fucked up plagues telling you what section of the store your in. Ok I may suck at genres but really? Jock Porn? HELLO the title has Bears in it why the hell wouldn’t you have it in the Bear section? One quick look around and that was answered they don’t even have a bear section! Heaven on Earth my Bear-less wonders think again!

Dear Blog Land and my fellow blog-ians I think it’s time we discussed Hustler and I’m not talking about the magazine. I’m talking about the cocky yet attractive man that was able to get me to his home with the promise of alcohol, Yes I’m a lush but that’s another blog for another day. Any ways where was I? Right, alcohol and the fact that he told me he was half black from the waist down and proceeded to put my hand on his cock over his pants. My hand was only there for but a split second and I felt something that made my private investigator want to come out to play. So I did what most horny alcoholics do at my age and agreed to meet him back at his place. Yes his place, hell no not mine, I’m drunk not stupid! So low and behold I’m thinking he is the young stud that I have been waiting for. Everyone should have a play thing now and again right? O get back to his place and he suddenly becomes shy and reserved, I’m thinking did he suddenly get beat in the face by sobriety? Is this his identical twin brother I’m working with? What the fuck, he put my hand on his dick for crying out loud! Well blog-ians I’m not one to want to pussy foot around! You wanted, you got it, I’m here! I was forced to take the situation under control so I grabbed him by his shirt and pulled him towards me like a fisherman reeling in the biggest catch. Holy shit was it me or was this guy an actually good kisser? Why the shy? Well taking control of the situation certainly had me going and apparently him too as he quickly took back over the situation and dragged me to his room where the lights remained off. OFF! What the hell is going on here? What is he trying to hide? The ride was nice but hey I want to see what I’M getting on! There has not been a next time with this suppose boi toy o’mine so I’m only left to speculate, by my title can you guess where my mind went?

Dear Blog land and my fellow Blog-ians, yes I am going there and you can not stop me. Now I am not complaining about the black dick I have had, lord knows it was satisfying down to the anal squirting that was created from his lushness, but I am saying that it wasn’t like a babies arm or baseball bat coming at me. Black gay videos lied to me and gave me a false impression of reality. BWAHAHAHA, that should be a lesson to anyone who uses porn to educate them on sex and human bodies. Good lord had it been the size of a baseball bat I may have run screaming from the room. OK, no I wouldn’t have but I digress. I just have found that on average it’s usually above average, but not King Kong above average. It is not like I have been with a good portion of the black population to say what all the sizes of dicks are generally like, but lets face it, boys talk and all my female friends feel the need to talk to me, so you get a pretty rough estimate that most men regardless of heritage are all packing about an average cock.

Now with that said, holy crap I can’t wait till my next date with captain big dick, and yes I Have dubbed him that and call him CBD to his face. He is gorgeous, dark dark chocolate with a smile that will weaken your knees. That man, can’t call him a boy, hell no to that. This man is at least three fingers thick and a length that will clean you tonsils and some. Now a bet you all are like so what is with the big dramatic title and the forever rant about men have average dicks and you ain’t found one yet. First of all never said I didn’t find one, just said I haven’t had a baseball bat coming at me and second of all I don’t want you to get the wrong impression of me. I’m a boy who likes many different flavors of men and it wasn’t always the size that kept me coming back for more.

Dear blog land and my fellow blog-ians, where has all the hot guy on guy hentai to be found? I like many people have varying tastes when it comes to my visual stimulus and I thought I would voyeur into the world of Hentai. Henatai, Manga, Anime all of these are various forms of cartoon porn, yes I simplified and dumbed it down to cartoon porn. I am an asshole. Now for those of you hardcore Henatai, Manga, Anime fans don’t freak out on me just yet, becuase all in all these genres are various forms of graphic novels type material but with a lot of sex thrown in. You have the big eyed innocent girls always vs. the more sophisticated evil people. I like that you always know who is evil because their eyes are narrow and squinty. I just wish I could find some well drawn guy on guy, why is it so elusive? I can easily find hot gay hentai if I’m Looking for girl on girl, and some how through it all they are always able to intertwine tentacles into whatever they do. The tentacles always come out of nowhere, I have to say some of it seems pretty appealing if the tentacles knew how to give a good reach around while invading my love whole, but really they only seem to know how to penetrate and suckle nipples. I mean really? Suckling nipples? It’s either always a machine or plant life out for it’s own satisfaction, so why with the titty sucking, its not like it has its own nipples to know about sucking nipples! Though I did come across one that it was sucking the milk out of one girls rather obscenely large breasts that made me run from the room in terror. I Know breast milk is natural I Just don’t need to witness it in any form.

Dear blog land and fellow blog-ians, I don’t think my Christmas wish was so hard to fulfill but apparently it was becuase almost two months later I still had the tree up. Running down each morning to check under the tree and still no big gay muscle bear man is waiting for me, what the fuck? I thought maybe it was more of a present that would arrive on Valentine’s Day then Christmas so I left the fucking tree up till then. On Monday morning, the day after Valentine’s Day I took the tree down and carried it to the curb with a sad face and heavy heart. It looked more like the Charlie Brown Christmas tree then the magnificent Douglas Fir I had bought back in December. All the needles had fallen off and were eaten by my vacuum, and I dragged it woefully to the curb for it to sit and think on how it failed me in delivering a perfect package. As soon as I tossed it on the corner I stared one more time, it was so pitiful. I couldn’t handle it just sitting there sagging on the sidewalk so pitiful and alone. I gave in and forgave the tree, because really it did the best it could. It was only a three foot tree what could I really expect from it. As I was about to turn and walk away the garbage men came. Big, strong, sexy, albeit stinky, muscle bear garbage men! One approached me and said he couldn’t take the tree, tree collection was back in January! I was all, are you freaking kidding me?! What could I do to possibly persuade them to please take the tree? And let me tell you Blog Land and my fellow Blog-ians I will find out tonight the cost of having my tree tossed.