The Gay Porn Pay-Per-View Network

Dear Blog land and my fellow blog-ians, what the fuck is wrong with my chicken? I swear to all that pure and innocent that my ears are not deceiving me. I almost wish they were, I even went and got my hearing check and was told I should hear better then dogs. So why, oh why, do I hear my chicken cluck “Big Cock Big Balls” all night long? It hasn’t been that long has it? I mean Hustler was only…Oh, My, God! He was over a month ago? A fucking month ago?! That is it my mojo must be gone, all dried up and dust in the wind. I think I might shed a tear for its passing. What the hell! Hustler was over a fucking month ago and I have not followed up after him. What is my problem? You may be wondering who is this Hustler that was over a month ago, and what did he do to me that I have not felt the need to be out the door ready for more. Well first of all I am ready to be out the door and looking for more and trust me not from him, I mean it was fine and all but a one night stand is a one night stand am I right? Ok so some one night stands can extend into multiple night stands but not this one. He was cocky, which was fun at first, especially when he put my hand on his junk and proceeded to tell me how he was half black from the waist down. Well with a statement like that what is a man to do but do some hands on investigating. We head back to his place, because really I don’t need him to find me later. When he strips off his shirt I fucking kid you not gangsta style lettering curved on his abs proclaiming “Hustler”! What the fuck does one do with this. So I did the only thing I could do and get me some while I could keep a straight face then roll the fuck out of there! Oh Hustler I won’t soon forget you and half black cock.

You may not think that one in this day and age would need lessons on jacking off to porn, but the amount of people being caught in the workplace or even in the privacy of their own domicile makes me think that maybe a few basic unwritten rules should be discussed. I bet you all thought this was going to be a guided tour of the basics of hand position and which lotions, oils, or lubes you may need or want to use or at least try. Sorry to disappoint you, but really if you need that kind of help I can’t help you. The best advice I can give you is explore your own body, you will know what you like and don’t like. Also don’t be embarrassed to go to a doctor if a lube, lotion, or oil causes you to get a break out. You might have an allergy to whatever it was you used and sometimes they are the quickest way to get the shit to clear your shit.
Man bLog land you do get me side tracked rather quickly. Ok so the whole thing that I really think should be discussed is this whole jerking off in your workplace. Really does everybody have the fantasy of your superior or underling just throwing caution into the wind and fucking like rabbits? I mean really does having to wait 8 to 10 hours for your next sexual contact such a struggle for the general population to wait. And if it is, don’t you have an hour lunch to go take care of these thing. I mean I know I myself is guilty of peeling off one, or three, in the bathroom on my break, becuase I am one of those people who can not wait 10 hours till my next sexual pleasures. But really I lock the stall or door! And if you have an office why aren’t you locking the door to your office! Are you really hoping that person you have been lusting after is going to catch you in the act and just jump on your shit? Best to keep that little fantasty in your head and not in reality becuase survey says that it will end badly.

Dear blog land and my fellow blog-ions, I thought the title of this little piece might capture your attention! It does bring up a rather serious discussion that has been on my mind for awhile, glory holes. Yes I said it glory hole. How do we feel about these strange holes that we hear of like a mythical creature? The tall tale that you want so much to believe in and yet have no reason to believe in it at all. I’m mean really am I the only one who actively looks for these Bigfoot like anomalies that you would think you could find anywhere the way people go on and on? These holes located in a partition such as a bathroom stall or porn viewing room. These holes that need to be big enough for men dicks to be stuffed through and pleasured with a blow job or inserting into other holes. Also apparently there are rules on how to properly use such a lovely creation that ensures anonymity and really a free fuck or fling with someone, and sometimes maybe something, that you normally wouldn’t do. what are these rules in which I speak, well here let me fill you in. First of all if you are looking to have your penis sucked, then you should stand in front of the hole and wave your stiff cock around in front of it. If the other guy wants to suck it, he will stick his finger into the hole and tap the bottom of the hole a few times. That is your bat signal to go ahead and stick your junk in and get ready for the time of your life, and pray they don’t use teeth. So the question I have is when seriously am I going to come across one of these “glory holes”, one of these pleasures of the unknown? I ask in the porns for now.

Yes, I am that pumped up about it that I will throw around the f word in the title if I feel like it. Yes I am aware that it is only February, but hey got get the word out now! June will be here before you know it! Have you ever wonder how all this magnificent came about. I did, so as usual I Googled it, but Google only wanted to tell me all the fabulous places and locations where a pride day celebration and/or march will be held. It made me wish I was Flash Gordon so I could go and visit all of them. So I turned to the next best thing for a history lesson. Yes, I am speaking of Wikipedia the free encyclopedia. Oh, Wikipedia how I can count on you to ramble on and on with information that is still questionable at times. Ok, So here is the lowdown; early on the morning of Saturday, 28 June 1969 members of the gay community, lesbians, gays, bisexuals, transgenders, rioted following a police raid on the Stonewall Inn, a known gay bar, in Greenwich Village neighborhood in New York City. The Stonewall riots are considered to be the beginning of the modern gay rights movement, as it was the first time in modern history that a significant body of LGBT people resisted arrest. It makes the heart swell with pride that throughout history people from all walks of life with nothing in common except for maybe the color of their skin, their gender, or their sexual orientation, are willing to stand up for themselves. Stand up and say enough is enough we are all people who have the right to love and the pursuit of happiness. I mean wasn’t that the whole reason the United States of America is what it is today.

Dear Blog land and my fellow blogions, I watch a lot of movies! When I say a lot I mean A LOT! More then your average daily run of the mill Jack or Jill. I would say I have quite the movie buffness knowledge and what I don’t know, well there is always Google to search out the information. I Like a wide variety as well. From the classics to current, Action to Horror, there has yet to be a genre that I can’t find something in it that will tickle my fancy. But who am I kidding, I am not writing this blog to tell you about the most amazing movie I just saw. No! No, you should all really know me better by now. I’m typing away to vent a little, bitch and moan if you will about why I spent 2 hours of my life watching Twilight! 2 Hours mind you that I will never get back! Really, what the hey was I thinking? I know what I was thinking, I was thinking this wine is delicious! My good friend duped me! He invites me over, pours a wonderful glass of Pinot Noir that has been breathing for the better part of the day, and tells me he has put in a video that I Just had to see! Little did I know that this movie was for his amusement to watch me watch this and the look of horror unfold across my face! I had hopes, I had dreams, but I can say this movie crushed them out of me like a possum roadkill patty! The vampire sparkles! He FUCKING sparkles like a rave kid in heat! I’m sorry but it has to be said, this videos gay and not in the amazing way of me but as in fanny pack?!

Dear Blog land, what the fuck is his problem? Who, you might be asking yourself? What are you talking about you might possibly even be thinking? Well let me tell you the who, what, when, where, why, and how of today’s situation with the hottest guy I know and his fucking issues! This guys fucking issues are going to make me prematurely bald I swear on all that is luscious. I know I’m throwing around the big F today but sweet sunny beaches how can someone so hot be so dense! OK, ok, I shall fill you in. So the hottest man I know is sadly an ex of mine, but he is one of the rare ones that turned into my best friend. Yes, I said it friend. Why we ever dated I don’t know, but like I said he was hot and I wanted me some. Turns out we are better as friends because I can listen to the stupid shit he does and not be the one he is doing it too. Not that I haven’t thrown a book at him once or twice when just merely hearing his antics made me realize that he needed a book thrown at him in order to get a clue, and yes I threw an encyclopedia at him. I would have thrown the computer at him and told him to wikipedia this shit, but I love my computer to much to have him touch it. So anyways my dear friend, who is gorgeous, and really a lot of fun does the lamest things all because he has no self esteem. I Know this because I have to hear him put himself down. Now it’s not the kind of put down were he is saying it to fish for a compliment or see how his friends feel about him, he really believes the shit that comes out of his mouth! Thus the need to throw things at him as he ruins yet another amazing relationship with the man of his dreams because he can’t see why we all love him. MEN!

Dear Blog Land and and fellow Blog-ions today’s topic of conversation is porn. Now we all know I have a certain preference in my taste in be. Give me a big, hairy, muscularly defined, bear of a man and you will have me standing at attention. Wrap my arms around him and sink my teeth into some man meat, YUM! Now porn on the other hand is a bit more fun, I Like to think of myself as open minded and willing to experiment visually in a land of opportunity that porn opens up for us. What they hell are you talking about, I can just imagine you thinking as you read this. Well what I’m talking about my fellow blog-ions is when it comes to porn there are worlds upon worlds open up to you. Now watching a twink, let alone two twinks go at it like savage men who have been locked in isolation for years, is not particularly my kind of extra curricular activity. I would like to think that I am open minded enough to watch it, digest what I was visually assaulted with, then move on. With so many niches and good and horrible acting and filming you gotta try it all.
One particular phrase has been bothering me and really was the whole reason I started this whole blog on porn. The phrase of the day is “guy porn”. Guy porn? What the fuck is that? Is it anything that is not soft core, gentle, mushy stuff? Because really, I have had some of my friends who are very much female bring porn to the chicken and porn parties I like to host that sent me running from the apartments. My favorite is when they insert said film saying how this is there favorite! Sick bitches! That’s why I love them. And really if it wasn’t for them and their eclectic taste maybe I wouldn’t be as open minded of a porn person as I am today!

I don’t think I have ever discussed my dreams with you blog land and I think now is the time to do it, for if not now then really when. So here it goes. Dear Blog Land as I slept soundly last night in my queen size bed I had the most amazing dream. I was traveling, where I’m not sure it’s not like in the middle of the dream I started saying how lovely such and such a place is, though that would have been awesome of me if I had. Any who I was on a train just looking out the window and it was bright and sunny, I was wistfully looking out and this amazing landscape. It had the mountains, crystal lake, tall gorgeous trees,and this manicured look I haven’t seen since Tommy the manscapist extraordinaire stopped by, *la sigh* Tommy. I think I must have been in Oregon, or at least it looked like the Oregon travel brochures I looked at while visiting my friend at his travel agency. I digress. Any who, I”m riding along not a thought in my head or a care in the world when this amazing big daddy of a man asked me if I would like to enjoy the view from his private car. WHAT!? Really? I was floored and said “why yes I would think I would very much enjoy the view from your car”. He merely nodded and flicked his finger in that come hither, follow me now sort of dominating way that had me standing at attention! We walk along the cart in what seemed like forever! Finally made it to the second cart and descended a set of stairs. For whatever reason as we were descending said stares I casually look over my shoulder and there was another man following me with a camera. At that exact moment I swear to you the Bow Chicka Bow Wow music was cued and Mr. Tale Dark and Private Car had grabbed me by my belt and pulled me into his cart. Just when it was about to happen my fucking alarm went off and woke me up! What the fuck! can someone please tell Mr. Sandman I would like to finish my dream now!

I have decided that I should start a whole site dedicated to me and my knowledge of sex. You can call me the Sex Guy. Do you know that guy, why yes he is the Sex Guy. I can already see it. Do you remember the movie Big with Tom Hanks? If you don’t you need to go out and rent it now and get educated! Any who in the movie he goes up to the machine “Zoltar Speaks” and it is the weird creepy old looking machine with a male gypsy looking fortune teller in it and his wish comes true. Ok, so on my website I WANT TO BE ZOLTAR! Picture if you will you enter my site and are greeted by a giant fortune telling head and you ask your question. Here is were I want to mix genre’s a little, because your answer to all you need to know about sex will appear in the crystal ball but as a fortune cookie cracked open with the paper revealing the answer. Wait if I go that format though you might not get real answers. Oh, oh, wait I can be like a magic 8 ball of sex questions. Please try again later, or your future looks hazy, crap like that. It will be hilarious good fun, for me. But It will say The Sex Guy…ask and ye shall receive his wisdom, at the top of the page and wonderful shades of purple will be the back ground. Oh my goodness I’m getting excited, it will be amazing. I should make sketches! But how will I make money off this fabulous thing in which I have created, and crap how do I know I’M the first one to create this thing. Dear Blog land I guess I need to start my research if ever I wish to make my dream come true.

I came across a funny phrase today. Gay Blow job. I mean really we need to gt that fucking technical on whether it is a straight blow job as opposed to a gay blow job? This phrase, however got my curiosity picked (like everything does) and I decided to take it to the highway, the information super highway that is. So i Googled that shit and found that there really is no difference just depends on your orientation, but I did find that there are a lot of people who need some skills training on how to give a proper blow job and that “straight” men receiving or giving said blow jobs by gay men is a hot fantasy, meh it doesn’t really do it for me. I did pee a little when I read the beginning of one how to guide and it felt the need to explain that blowing has nothing to do with a blow job. Well except of course you got the tip wet and blow a little on it, some guys dig it. Favorite quote on how to give a proper blow job: “You should suck on it, and suck on it hard. Just as you would suck a lollipop, straw in a soda, or a cigarette for those who smoke”. Well if nothing it was very descriptive. But when suck hard you do have to remember your teeth people. I wrap my lips around my teeth and end up with some pretty nasty chewed up gums afterwords, so I read a little me to see what these “Professional” blow jobers suggest. They say the best way avoid the tteth scraping the penis is to open your mouth wider, or better yet, slightly curl your lips over your teeth. Huh, who new I should have written this shit.